Changing Collapsed Boundaries and Codependency

I love watching transformations take place amongst my clients. I love watching individuals who have carried years of trauma and emotional challenge transcend after a session or two together, as their beliefs and behaviours change once and for all. A while back, I worked with a client who had unhealthy ties with his mother. He longed for a romantic relationship, and to travel and explore the world, but his mother wanted him to stay around and be close to her. 

In my client’s family system, there were ongoing conflicts between his parents. His father couldn’t provide emotional support for his mother, so my client had stepped into his father’s shoes, becoming his mother’s first port of emotional contact. My client formed beliefs such as, ‘My mother will leave if I don’t take care of her,’ and he saw her as a victim. When he tried to have his own relationship and create his own finances she made him feel guilty. He couldn’t be...

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Empowering Healthy Boundaries

I've been working as a healer for over twelve years now, supporting thousands of clients across the globe. Clients from different countries, cultures and religions. Clients who approach me with a variety of traumas, addictions, patterns, beliefs, blocks, limits and challenges.

All of these clients are unique. They all have their own stories and histories, their own family upbringings and their own individual way of expression. They are all incredible and I feel very honoured to support them. But imagine if I felt all their feelings, thoughts and took on every challenge of every single individual. Imagine if I didn’t know how to separate myself from them. If I didn’t know how to say yes or no, or how to switch off when work finished, and I was eating dinner with my partner or taking time out for myself. It would be utter chaos, for everyone involved. It took me years before I realized that putting an end to that chaos meant implementing healthy energetic boundaries. ...

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Addiction to perfectionism - Escaping the pain

 

I am lucky enough to travel the world, working with clients all over the globe. Because of this, I’m constantly in unfamiliar environments–having conversations with strangers, booking into different hotels, ordering food in a variety of languages, asking for directions or simply getting to know the locals in each new place I go. I adapt to new climates, new cultures and diet regularly, turning towards the unknown of each place with curiosity. I let the magic of reality unfold, trusting and flowing with each new moment, each new place and each new person I met. 

Past me would never have let herself respond to the world like this. She wouldn’t have travelled to new places, wouldn’t have eaten unfamiliar foods or talked to strangers. What if I say something wrong and appear stupid? What if I get on that plane and things don’t happen how I expect? What if I can’t eat the food that will keep my weight down? What if they discover something...

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Saying no to the narcissist - Part of my journey to wholeness

I have been with my husband Wayne for ten years now and for the past three years we’ve both worked from home. In that sense, lockdown hasn’t been that different for us. 

I’m sure without our individual healing journeys the intensity of being together day-to-day would have been overwhelming. Of course, sometimes we need our own space, that’s normal. But we have always prioritised our individual growth, so we can thrive both in partnership and independently.

 Being seen for who we are is fundamental for us both. 

I grew up not being seen. In my family there was a huge amount of expectation to do and be what those around me wanted. When I didn’t live up to the roles I’d been prescribed, I was met with withdrawal, control and separation. 

I complied because I was in a constant state of high anxiety, yet even as a child I could see that this behaviour was manipulative and unhealthy. It was narcissistic. 

As empathetic and...

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Food, How I escaped misery

I’m currently in Mexico with my husband Wayne. We are lucky enough to be able to travel with our work, which means I can do two of the things I love most in the world- exploring new cultures and trying new foods.

We’re in a beachside restaurant eating nachos and quesadillas by the handfuls - full stomachs and happy hearts. Enjoying the balance of guacamole and salsa, the soft music, the warm air.

Nineteen year old me wouldn’t let herself order this. It would have induced an overwhelm of anxiety in her. There are too many calories. I have to exercise right now. Perhaps I can pretend not to eat it. Or throw it up later tonight.

One of the biggest areas of challenge for women in the West is body image; we all know the social pressure to look a certain way, to buy a certain beauty product that keeps us looking younger, thinner etc.

But my relationship with food went far beyond that.

I was stuck in a pattern of addiction caused by abuse in my early life. As children we...

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Establishing Energetic Boundaries

Boundaries are an invisible line that protects us, especially when we feel that push-pull to say ‘no’. When the word ‘boundaries’ comes to mind, most of us envision physical or emotional protective barriers. But our psyche and spirit are so closely entwined that if we do not protect our energetic field, we are at risk of living a life of thoughts, feelings, emotions and belief systems that are not our own. Poor boundaries can negatively impact all areas of our lives and in difficult times where empaths are especially vulnerable to the energies of others, it’s important to take the time to recognize and exert what we really want out of life. In short, There is nothing more important for the maintenance or preservation of our mind, body and soul.

WHERE DO WE LEARN TO NEGLECT OUR BOUNDARIES?

Before birth, we share both a body and energy field with our mother. But around 18 months to two years, we start the development of our own unique entities. But as...

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Setting Boundaries for energy preservation

The key to protecting your energy is establishing clear physical, emotional, energetic and financial boundaries. Without them, our needs, wants and desires are often neglected, leaving us feeling drained, empty and exhausted. We are surrounded by negativity and stress at every turn. These factors can hold a heavy burden over us - leaving us feeling insecure in unhealthy relationships where we are often taken advantage of. This is especially true for the highly-sensitive person who can benefit from a shield to protect them. Let’s dive deeper into why boundaries are so important - and how we can start setting them.

THE INS + OUTS OF BOUNDARIES

When the word ‘boundaries’ comes to mind, the first thing we consider are two parties who have their own unique desires, wants and needs. But the truth is, boundaries are an invisible line that protects us from others, especially when we feel that push-pull to say ‘NO!’ When we set aside our boundaries, low...

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Breaking free from the spell of the narcissist

Navigating the waters of relationships is challenging, even for those "picture perfect" couples that never seem to fight. But things are not often what they appear at face value, especially in toxic relationships where we find ourselves questioning what’s real. 

If a lack of empathy, need for excessive attention and a sense of entitlement sound like a ‘normal part’ of your relationships, you could be dating a narcissist. And in these extraordinary times where we are spending more hours in the home, the daily effects of abuse can impact every area of our lives. I’ve created this blog to recognize the signs of abusive partnerships and pave a path to wholeness through healing. 

                       

There are two critical elements in the cycle of narcissistic abuse that prey on our weaknesses, sustaining us in a manipulative pattern that keeps us under their spell. The first is the...

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Co-creating your reality with your inner child

The inner-child is an aspect of yourself that is a conscious part that lives within your subconscious mind. It is the child that you once were. It is a live energetic and emotional aspect of you. This aspect is often stuck emotionally at a different age than your adult self and it often lacks the coping skills and the emotional abilities that your adult self-has developed. It is a little being in its own right with its own wants, needs, and desires.

Many of us have unconsciously disconnected from our inner-child because we have experienced overwhelming pain in our early years. This could be pain from experiencing neglect, abuse, violence, growing up with a parent or a family member who had an illness, poverty or not being listened to and cared for in the way that we needed. This disconnection is nature’s way of trying to protect us from the overwhelming feelings that we once felt. This allows us to go on with everyday life with more ease.

As an adult, you may have forgotten...

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