Changing Collapsed Boundaries and Codependency

I love watching transformations take place amongst my clients. I love watching individuals who have carried years of trauma and emotional challenge transcend after a session or two together, as their beliefs and behaviours change once and for all. A while back, I worked with a client who had unhealthy ties with his mother. He longed for a romantic relationship, and to travel and explore the world, but his mother wanted him to stay around and be close to her. 

In my client’s family system, there were ongoing conflicts between his parents. His father couldn’t provide emotional support for his mother, so my client had stepped into his father’s shoes, becoming his mother’s first port of emotional contact. My client formed beliefs such as, ‘My mother will leave if I don’t take care of her,’ and he saw her as a victim. When he tried to have his own relationship and create his own finances she made him feel guilty. He couldn’t be emotionally present with others as he was always emotionally preoccupied with her. Because of this, he had collapsed boundaries and was in a codependent dynamic with her. With collapsed boundaries, we can become energetically fused and do not know the difference between who we are and who the other person is. My client’s mother didn’t see the family unit as separate. She believed, ‘We are all one’ and when my client wanted to live his own life, he felt guilty and like he was betraying his family and family role.

A person who has collapsed boundaries will usually have very loose or no physical, emotional, spiritual or energetic boundaries. This boundary style is usually born out of growing up in a family where the parents or those who acted as parents, had very poor or no boundaries either. We first learn how to be in the world and how to interact by observing how our family, specifically our caretakers, are. If we had caretakers who respected others and our boundaries there is a high probability that we respect our boundaries and other people’s boundaries too. On the other hand, if we had parents who didn’t respect each other, other peoples and our boundaries, there is a high chance that we will have poor or no boundaries and will have a high tolerance for inappropriate behaviour.

This type of collapsed boundary happens because members within the family are rescuing each other. The pattern of rescuing is often based on codependency. Codependency can be defined as an exaggerated dependent pattern of learned behaviour, beliefs and feeling that makes a person's life painful. It is becoming dependent on people and things outside the self, along with the neglect of the self, to the point of having little self-identity. A person who is stuck in this cycle of codependency will tend to focus on meeting other people’s needs at the expense of neglecting their own. 

As children, we are dependent on our parents to meet our physical and emotional needs. The younger we are the more dependent we are on our parents, which makes us even more vulnerable. Children know that if they meet their parent’s needs and wants, and keep their parents happy, it will increase the likelihood of being taken care of. Children who grow up in that type of family often learn to rescue their parents and other family members. Their motivation is often to alleviate the parent’s pain so that the parent will be available to take care of them. 

After a couple of sessions, we undid my client’s trauma, so he could let go of it once and for all. We released the belief, ‘My mother is not a victim,’ which allowed him to see her capacity to take care of herself. He is now completely disentangled and free. He and his mother have a healthy dynamic with clear boundaries in place. He is also able to travel, create his own financial independence and have a thriving romantic relationship. 

My next course, ‘Empowering Healthy Boundaries,’ is running on the 27th, 28th and 29th of November. The key to changing our energetic boundaries is through changing our limiting belief systems around them. During this course we will focus on identifying the limiting beliefs unique to us, and through connecting to Divine Source Energy, clear these limiting beliefs, thoughts, feelings and traumas on a quantum level. Allowing us to let go of them for good. Healthy boundaries are elastic and flexible and will shift according to our needs and preferences. If we can determine what our beliefs are, we can change these beliefs directly and start implementing boundaries accordingly. The course offers the opportunity to install new energies and belief systems that will strengthen emotional, physical and energetic boundaries. Clearing out core trauma and changing old patterns of abuse and neglect. This will lead to an increase in confidence, improvement in finances and no longer taking on other people’s energy. I will offer downloads such as:

  1. I am allowed to separate from my family / parents
  2. I know I can set emotional, physical, spiritual and financial boundaries with my family and others, I have a right to and I know what this feels like
  3. I can recognise my own needs, I know how to, what this feels like, it is possible
  4. I see my family’s true capacity to take care of themselves

If you would like to receive these downloads please say yes

Join me on this transformational journey where I will share with you the unique processes I have developed over twelve years of practice. These techniques work on a quantum level to create lasting change in the mind, body and soul, and allow us to implement boundaries and create positive change in all areas of our lives. PM for more details and information: [email protected]

If you would like to participate in an energy clearing webinar to have your energetic boundaries repaired,Strengthening your energetic boundaries, disentangling from other peoples , join me on Tuesday at 8pm London time.

You can reserve your place here:




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