I have been with my husband Wayne for ten years now and for the past three years we’ve both worked from home. In that sense, lockdown hasn’t been that different for us.
I’m sure without our individual healing journeys the intensity of being together day-to-day would have been overwhelming. Of course, sometimes we need our own space, that’s normal. But we have always prioritised our individual growth, so we can thrive both in partnership and independently.
Being seen for who we are is fundamental for us both.
I grew up not being seen. In my family there was a huge amount of expectation to do and be what those around me wanted. When I didn’t live up to the roles I’d been prescribed, I was met with withdrawal, control and separation.
I complied because I was in a constant state of high anxiety, yet even as a child I could see that this behaviour was manipulative and unhealthy. It was narcissistic.
As empathetic and emotional beings, it’s easy to attract narcissists into our lives. Empaths are moved to take care of narcissists, this role feeds into our caring nature and reinforces early patterns of relating developed when young. We look for familiar reference points to anchor that safety into. Even if those reference points are disruptive, abusive and no longer serve us.
While in these relationships, we have trouble perceiving who others really are. A false-self is created and manipulation begins; we might be love-bombed, controlled, criticised – overall who we are is broken down. Narcissists can be anyone– from romantic partners, parents, friends and co-workers and are those with complex personality disorders and as a result often lack empathy, have an inflated sense of importance and create unhealthy and toxic dynamics with others.
The last time an intimate family member withdrew and disconnected from me I had already begun my healing journey. I was able to recognise their behaviour, distinguish it from my own and create a healthy boundary between us. I was able to remain strong in my own needs and therefore my own worth, and remain consistent with that need. I knew if I didn’t it would forever allow them to play out that behaviour and the cycle would continue.
My response shifted the dynamic of the relationship. That behaviour no longer plays out and I have welcomed new positive behaviours and patterns of relating into my life. As a result of saying yes to my own worth, my relationships now are ones of growth, freedom and love.
On the 20th, 25th of August and the 2nd and 10th of September BST I am running a four-part webinar titled, ‘Breaking Free From The Narcissist.’ The webinar will provide a restored trust in yourself. An increased sense of self-governance and freedom, The ability to break negative patterns of relating with the narcissists in your life. The ability to change emotional responses to others. The confidence to break patterns of behaviour. A deeper love of self and ability to decision make in accordance to that. Healthy, fulfilling and supportive relationships. Letting go of past hurt and trauma so to live a bright and empowered future.
You can dibs out more here:https://www.lauramason.co.uk/breaking-free-from-the-narcissist